A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC (back when phones weren't so smart)

New York Relationships: Dating Crazy Cat Women

Melody found J.S. Bach’s English Suite Number Two CD and began removing it from the shelf. But she stopped at the jarring caterwaul emitted by the tabby mouser that had been roaming about by the front door. Melody saw that Heeb had inadvertently stepped on the end of its tail as he continued trying to adjust to the small and surreal space.

“Hey! You just stepped on Vagina. Apologize to her!”

“Did you really name your pussy that?” Sammy asked, in surprised amusement.


“But isn’t that a bit generic?”

“Well, sometimes I call her Vaj for short. Now apologize.”

“Do you think she’ll understand me? How’s her vocabulary?”

“When talking to cats, it’s all about the intonation and sincerity. So you have to mean it. Come on, Sammy.”

Heeb crouched down to make amends with the irritated feline, using the most genuine voice he could summon under the circumstances. “Look, I’m really sorry about that. This is my first time meeting a Vagina with a tail, and I stepped out of line a bit. Literally. It was really an honest mistake. But I probably should have worn a condom on my shoe, just in case.”

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